


just smile

by kpop-till-you-drop (gypsophilasscribbles)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 3 times style, Bittersweet Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Deaf Character, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 16:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10416390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gypsophilasscribbles/pseuds/kpop-till-you-drop
Summary: 3 times Changkyun remembered and 1 time he smiled





	

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for the three word prompt: hearing aid, park bench and deep conversation

1

Hospitals were not scary to Changkyun. 

The Paediatrics ward was full of smiling nurses in soft pink uniforms, who asked if he wanted to play with the soft toys whilst his mother spoke to the doctor. The smell of disinfectant was diluted by the sickly-sweet air fresheners scattered around the ward and the unsettling beeping of machines could barely be heard over soft music that played from speakers located in the corners of the room. 

He wasn’t scared because he’d been going to the hospital for nearly three years, and his original apprehension had all but vanished. He was happy to release his mother’s hand in order to settle on the soft mat with a book until the doctor called them. 

But the main reason he wasn’t scared was that, after the doctor had seen him, Changkyun got to leave again. Even though the hospital was fun, home was much better. 

That particular day, the ward had been very noisy. There was a magician visiting, and there was a lot of excited squealing and clapping. 

Changkyun was not a fan of loud noises, so he sat in the corner, slipping out his hearing aids and putting them on the floor next to him. 

Silence was another thing Changkyun wasn’t afraid of. 

Once he had finished looking at all the pictures in his book, he put it down and noticed a boy across the hall staring at him. The boy ducked under his blue blanket when he realised he’d been spotted, but a few minutes later, Changkyun could make out a pair of narrow eyes peeping out at him from beneath the cover. 

Luckily it was at that moment that the door opens to the doctor’s office and his mother came out. He was on his feet and at her side instantly, tugging on her hand to leave quicker. He was tired and hungry and feeling oddly shy. 

It was only as they reached the door that his mother stopped him with a frown, kneeling in front of him. _‘Changkyun, where are your hearing aids_?’ she signed. 

Oh, Changkyun frowned, taking a second to think before he remembered. 

He hurried back to where he had been sitting to see the boy standing in his spot, hearing aids balanced in his hand. Although he was very skinny, his cheeks were plump and round as he smiled, offering them back to Changkyun, who took them carefully. 

His fingers brushed against the boy’s papery palm, and he was quickly pulling away as he felt how hot the boys skin was. 

He slipped in the hearing aids and stared unabashedly at the boy’s sickly pallor. The boy stared at him too, or to be specific, his ears. 

“What are those?” the boy asked. 

Changkyun squirmed under his gaze. “They help me hear.” He mumbles, suddenly embarrassed when his tongue stumbles with the words, the pitch of his voice fluctuating erratically. 

But the boy seems awed. “That’s so cool! I just get this stupid thing.” He says, indicating the drip attached to his arm; Changkyun hadn’t noticed that before. 

“Kihyun? Where are you?” one of the nurses called, then, having spotted the pair of them, comes to guide that boy – Kihyun – back to his bed. 

“Bye.” Kihyun said sullenly. 

Changhyun waved and watched him go, wishing for the first time that he didn’t have the leave the hospital quite yet. 

2

“Why are you wearing that? It’s like, 30 degrees out here.” Kihyun laughed, tugging at Changkyun’s beanie. 

Changkyun batted his hands away, straightening the hat on his head and smoothing down the sides so they nestled comfortably over his hearing aids. 

Kihyun watches the action with beady eyes, sighing. “Have people been giving you shit again?” 

Since he’d turned 16, Kihyun had become especially protective of his younger companion. Changkyun didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like Kihyun could do anything, his school was on the other side of town, and the idea of his petite hyung rocking up to take out potential bullies was ridiculous. 

Deciding that silence was the best answer, Changkyun slumped on the bench with the best air of nonchalance a 13-year-old manage; the snort that followed suggested Kihyun wasn’t impressed. 

It was the first time they’d been able to meet up in a while – properly anyway. 

Changkyun had been to visit the older at his house three weeks ago, when the side-affects from his medication had been particularly bad, finding him kneeling by the toilet and violently retching. They’d also skyped when Kihyun was hit with Insomnia; talking crap at 3am, both delirious from lack of sleep. 

The park were they met up was a short walk from the hospital. It wasn’t a big park, and it was usually fairly empty. There was a particular park bench, tucked away behind the droopy branches of a willow tree that had become their favourite spot. It meant that any noise from the road, or groups of boys playing football, wouldn’t interfere too much with Changkyun’s hearing aids. 

“It’s nothing big – just… just little comments here and there. It’s fine.” Changkyun mumbled when Kihyun’s stern gaze became too much to handle. 

“it’s just ignorance, complete fucking ignorance.” 

Changkyun frowns at the outburst. “are _you_ having problems again?” 

“I’m the kid with HIV – I always have problems.” 

Changkyun couldn’t think of a good reply to that. 

Suddenly, a huge grey cloud rumbled above them. Panic flickered across Kihyun’s face but Changhyun moved quickly. 

Luckily, he’d remembered to check the weather report that morning and had brought an umbrella with him. 

Before the first rain drop could even touch Kihyun, Changkyun had him under the cover of his mother’s bright pink umbrella. 

“Come on, we have to get you out of the rain.” He said, ushering the other along with a firm but gentle grip on his elbow. 

Kihyun seemed sort a dazed, staring at Changhyun with mystified awe. 

They went to Kihyun’s house, since it was closer. His mother looked like she might faint from relief when they appeared; Changhyun was a little damp but thankfully Kihyun remained bone dry. She ushered both into the lounge, throwing a fluffy blanket over the pair of them – just in case – and began to rush around the kitchen, muttering about hot coco.

Kihyun slung an arm around Changkyun’s shoulder, tucking him in against his side. 

“My hero,” He cooed in a falsetto, then, more seriously. “What would I do without you?” 

Changkyun shook his head and shoved him away, uncomfortable with how close their faces had become. He feels his cheeks smarting at the intensity of Kihyun’s gaze. 

But still, he’s laughing, they both are and it was the most beautiful sound Changkyun had ever heard. 

3

When Changkyun received the text, he bolted out of his Literature lecture, leaving all his folders abandoned on the desk and a hurricane of paper in his wake. He nearly knocked down several people in the hallway, shouting apologies back over his shoulder as he hurried to his car. 

By driving in a way his mother would certainly not approve of, he made it to the hospital in under ten minutes and was hurtling through the corridors, only slowing when he spotted Kihyun’s mother and father sitting in the waiting room. 

“Where is he, is he okay?” he gasped, breathing harshly. 

The prognosis was Pneumonia. The doctor had high hopes he’d recover but it had been close for a couple of hours. When Changkyun was finally allowed to see, him he struggled to cover up the clenching of his heart when he saw his hyung. 

He always looked so small in the hospital bed, the washed out sheet making his skin appear even more sickly. He was looking particularly gaunt, and Changkyun wondered if he’d been having trouble eating again. 

He could see the slight tremor in his hand from the doorway, and as he drew closer he noticed the sheen of sweat across Kihyun’s forehead. 

He took a cloth from the bedside table and mopped it away, ever so gently, trying not to disturb him. 

During the course of the next three weeks, Kihyun fell in and out of consciousness; either sleeping or in a bleary state of wakefulness where he never fully understood what was happening. 

Changhyun emailed his teachers when it became clear he couldn’t leave. They were all understanding enough, and promise to email the catch up work to him at a later date. He called his roommate Jooheon and asked him to collect his papers for him, thankful when he eagerly agreed. 

When Kihyun finally woke with clarity in his eyes, his first reaction was to reach out for Changkyun – who was there, in an instant, clutching bony fingers in his own. The older remains stoically silent as the doctor speaks to them, then, when his parents came in, mustered a soft smile to reassure them he was fine. 

It’s not till much later, when the lights are out and the hospital is silent except for the shuffling of nurses outside and the beeping of machinery, Kihyun finally allowed himself to cry. 

Changkyun blinked back his own tears as he held Kihyun close, the two of them cramped onto the bed that was not meant for two bodies – even if they were as small as Kihyun. 

“It’s not fair.” Kihyun sobbed, his fists clenching the material of Changkyun’s shirt. The doctor had not been optimistic. Changkyun could hear his words echoing in his mind, “another infection like that and chances of survival are low.” 

Kihyun’s voice was a tiny whisper, so quiet that even with the hearing aid Changkyun strained to hear him. 

“I don’t want to die.” 

Although it was not the first time they’d had a deep conversation like this, Changkyun felt a heavy weight settle uncomfortable in his chest, suddenly making difficult to breathe. 

Kihyun crawled closer so he could rest his head against Changhyun’s shoulder, still hiccupping and sniffling softly. Changkyun let his hand run over the bumps of Kihyun’s spine soothingly and wondered when the other had become so fragile. 

The hospital bed was not comfortable; the sheets were scratchy and had tangled around their legs, effectively holding the couple on the bed. 

Kihyun made a snuffling noise, looking up through his fringe to stare Changkyun, who did his best to brush away the wetness still on Kihyun’s cheeks. “I love you.” he said, because what else could he say. 

“I know.” Kihyun said simply. He leaned up, whining when he realised he couldn’t reach Changkyun’s face at the angle they lay in. Biting back a smile, Changkyun closed the gap, kissing Kihyun hard enough to convey what couldn’t be said in words. 

When he pulled away, Kihyun sighed wearily. “I don’t know what to do.” He said, staring listlessly into the distance. “I don’t know how to live like this.” 

“Me neither.” Changkyun replied just as jadedly. “But we’ll figure it out. I’m not giving up on you so – so please, don’t give up on yourself. Not yet.” 

4

Years later, Changkyun finds himself sitting in a coffee shop, a pile of essays he needs to mark balanced precariously on the table next to his laptop, when two boys come running in. They’re out of breath and giggling loudly, drawing the gaze of several other patrons. 

“Can I have two lemonades please,” the one with bright blonde hair asks the girl at the till, still a little breathless. The other scrambles in his pocket, Chankgkyun assumes for some money but the blonde one bats his hand away. “Don’t worry Minhyukkie, I’ll pay.” 

The other boy squeals. “This is why you’re my favourite hyung!” 

It reminds Changkyun of a conversation he and Kihyun had had what feels like another lifetime ago. 

_The sun was high in the sky, it’s warm rays washing over their pale skin. Changkyun rested his head on Kihyun’s arm, nestling as close to the other as he could manage._

_“You’re my favourite.” He mumbles against Kihyun’s neck._

_He can feel the vibrations from Kihyun’s laughter. “Favourite what?”_

_“Favourite everything.”_

Changkyun smiles at the memory. He smiles remembering the kisses the followed, and the laughter and warmth. He smiles remembering Kihyun. 

He smiles. 

**Author's Note:**

> edit 16/05/17: thank you for all the lovely comments, I seriously wasn't expecting such an awesome response >.< I promise i'll try and write something more cheerful and fluffy next time :P


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